Last year in English, we read Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal satire essay, and was assigned to create a modest proposal of our own.
A Modest Proposal
When I turn on the news, usually the first story or two is reporting about another episode of gruesome violence in the Middle East, whether it is in Israel, Iraq, or that pesky nation of Iran. These events aren’t just in far away places either, but in our backyards also. Muslim men who immigrated to Europe especially to France and Britain to escape these atrocities are encountering unemployment and poverty. While they may be professors back in their homelands, in their new country, the only jobs available easily are manual ones like laborers and taxi-drivers. That is if they can even find jobs, unemployment rates for Muslims in France are 20%, twice the national average. With the lack of jobs, young Muslim men are dissatisfied and become an unstable part of society, as exhibited by the civil unrest in the Muslim suburbs of Paris in 2005. Also, some individuals become more attracted to certain Islamic clerics who preach death to the West and join terrorist cells, like those of the London bus bombing. The bombers during that attack could even be considered as stable with wives, family, and jobs. Imagine the potential danger of poorer Muslims. Certainly normal poor White people aren’t resorting to such extreme violence, so something must be affecting only these Muslim men and radicalizing them that others aren’t as susceptible to. It must be their faith, because that is the only common link there is.
If we don’t resolve this issue soon, we may a full blown case of Islamic radicalism within the population of Muslims in the United States, and no one will dare to ride the subways without fear of being blown up. To solve this problem, I suggest attacking it at the source. I have been informed by a comrade at a prestigious Washington think tank that Wahabist clerics in Saudi Arabia are preaching death to America and other deplorable things; also there are of course men like Osama bin Laden making videotapes every few years from caves in Pakistan giving out the same message. However, elimination of these leader figures is not enough, since there will always be two more to spring up in their place; what is necessary is to eliminate the fundamental desire of their followers to listen to them and become suicide bombers.
Therefore I wish to make a simple proposal that will cure us of this affliction while not expend a lot of resources. I propose to sterilize all Muslim men, whether they may be living in the Middle East or elsewhere. The root cause of the radicalization of Muslim men is their desire to feel dominant and masculine. They already have their many wives allowed under Sharia Law, but compared to their forefathers, they lack an essential characteristic to prove their masculinity. I am speaking of course of war and violence. Arabs have fought among themselves and against others for centuries, and war is even praised in the Koran, their holy book, when it depicts how charismatic Mohammed was able to defeat the armies of Mecca and return to the holy city in victory after his earlier flight to Medina. Yet nowadays, most Muslim nations are no longer at war. Sure they still have conflicts with each other, but at worst it’s a little skirmish that ends in a few months like the first Persian war. Therefore Muslims must resort to other means of violence besides war to prove their masculinity, and that is where Osama and the Wahabist clerics come in. Under their urging, these Muslim men resort to un-traditional warfare against the West with planes becoming bombs rather than bombs dropping from planes. Therefore if we eliminate this driving need for masculinity, we get rid of Islamic terrorism, and what better way to do that than to sterilize them and take from them that ultimate proof of masculinity, the ability to father children.
Without this ability, according to a well-renowned psychiatrist, they will feel dejected and lack the drive to prove their masculinity any other way, knowing that they will never achieve the pinnacle of success. As a nice side effect, this could hopefully reverse the foreboding demographic of Islam being the fastest growing religion due to the high rate of reproduction among it practitioners, possibly because of polygamy. Also, the population of native Iraqis could potentially decrease enough that we can turn Iraq into the 51st state and maybe expand from there without worrying about splitting oil revenue with the natives. This solution is also more humane than just killing them, potentially scoring us more points in the UN than just nuking the region, which could also make the precious trillions of barrels oil radioactive and useless. The plan will be relatively easy to accomplish by just slipping some sterilizing agents into their drinking water, and when compared to other solutions, it is cheaper too.
According to some in this country, who prefer the tag Democrats, we should instead use diplomacy to solve the political problems between Israel and its neighbors by giving Palestine an even more generous aid package. We should also invest more in the Muslim youth that are in our country and offer them good jobs. As for those annoying Wahabist clerics, perhaps we can talk to them and persuade them to give up their brainwashed men and join the world as a force of good like we are trying to do with al-Sadr in Iraq and his Mehdi Army. What these so-called Americans fail to see is that those solutions will take too long and are too expensive, and in the interim we could pay the dear price of another 9/11 happening to us.
I hope you liked it, though I would understand if you felt offended. Ehh. 
I guess you can’t please everyone.
Ideas for This Life and (Maybe the Next) 